Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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