try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
