do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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