I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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