i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
