He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
