oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
