Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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