Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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