I CAN MOONWALK!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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