Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?

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(204): I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right? http://tfl.nu/emft

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(323): View more from California

I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.

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(323): I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache. http://tfl.nu/t0k5

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(662): View more from Mississippi

They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.

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(662): They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say. http://tfl.nu/fs2e

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(660): View more from Missouri

Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

(281): View more from Texas

What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

(660): View more from Missouri

Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

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(660): Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart (281): What theme did he decide on for the bathroom? (660): Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni http://tfl.nu/hovp

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot

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(860): I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot http://tfl.nu/l7sq

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

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(+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

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(314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by

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(303): View more from Colorado

At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?

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(303): At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea? http://tfl.nu/yszl

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring

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(405): Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring http://tfl.nu/7l8r

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(801): View more from Utah

She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

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(801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb

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(703): View more from Virginia

I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.

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(703): I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform. http://tfl.nu/4ptq

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(541): View more from Oregon

Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding

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(541): Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding http://tfl.nu/9api

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

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(615): You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it. http://tfl.nu/hvow

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed

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(+44): Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed http://tfl.nu/9jww

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Just pee around me

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(828): Just pee around me http://tfl.nu/21pc

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