Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.