Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Could a canary swim?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Last time I ever let you pet sit.

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  (651): Could a canary swim? (952): Last time I ever let you pet sit. http://tfl.nu/tcs0
  Replies (10) Good night (818) Bad night (3318)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4414) Bad night (1481)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.

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  (229): New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents. http://tfl.nu/bhqx
  Replies (21) Good night (6723) Bad night (931)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split

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  (401): I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split http://tfl.nu/416l
  Replies (11) Good night (1016) Bad night (2443)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....

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  (802): think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight.... http://tfl.nu/1kod
  Replies (9) Good night (1053) Bad night (1551)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.

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  (+44): I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland. http://tfl.nu/8trz
  Replies (5) Good night (2213) Bad night (921)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.

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  (865): Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this. http://tfl.nu/hz85
  Replies (11) Good night (2097) Bad night (659)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20

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  (585): Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20 http://tfl.nu/5k8j
  Replies (12) Good night (2337) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.

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  (281): Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever. http://tfl.nu/g095
  Replies (2) Good night (1542) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?

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  (+44): HELP! How do I get paint off the dog? http://tfl.nu/myj5
  Replies (6) Good night (402) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow

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  (201): i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow http://tfl.nu/q6h5
  Replies (2) Good night (617) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You also proposed and then tried to jack me off

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  (480): You also proposed and then tried to jack me off http://tfl.nu/5zxw
  Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.

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  (262): Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition. http://tfl.nu/kdlv
  Replies (2) Good night (1140) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground

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  (289): I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground http://tfl.nu/ybdg
  Replies (1) Good night (454) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.

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  (630): Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes. http://tfl.nu/ckfv
  Replies (1) Good night (296) Bad night (154)

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