Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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(801): View more from Utah

You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(516): View more from New York

do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

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(757): View more from Virginia

I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.

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(206): View more from Washington

I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.

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