I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just threw up on my dentist
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird