Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.

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  (619): Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage. http://tfl.nu/jxfh
  Replies (13) Good night (1027) Bad night (780)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.

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  (705): Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant. http://tfl.nu/28ci
  Replies (2) Good night (646) Bad night (3089)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session

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  (401): So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session http://tfl.nu/9nzb
  Replies (111) Good night (1267) Bad night (6836)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.

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  (608): I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her. http://tfl.nu/5b2d
  Replies (18) Good night (7348) Bad night (867)
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  (209): View more from California

  You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

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  (209): You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed. http://tfl.nu/9lg8
  Replies (23) Good night (2102) Bad night (6770)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night

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  (215): I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/glp8
  Replies (6) Good night (1115) Bad night (3924)
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  (714): View more from California

  I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.

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  (714): I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's. http://tfl.nu/jhuh
  Replies (7) Good night (5263) Bad night (1043)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

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  (251): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his http://tfl.nu/lwp2
  Replies (26) Good night (1246) Bad night (6814)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name

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  (+44): She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name http://tfl.nu/1k1s
  Replies (6) Good night (3296) Bad night (1001)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.

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  (904): I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch. http://tfl.nu/opx0
  Replies (15) Good night (1035) Bad night (3304)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown

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  (270): and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown http://tfl.nu/vz9q
  Replies (14) Good night (3221) Bad night (918)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.

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  (717): Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers. http://tfl.nu/8bi9
  Replies (6) Good night (1262) Bad night (451)
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  (562): View more from California

  We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable

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  (562): We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable http://tfl.nu/eg4m
  Replies (3) Good night (1768) Bad night (471)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant

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  (937): I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/spdi
  Replies (10) Good night (1179) Bad night (360)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night

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  (315): I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night http://tfl.nu/e9r3
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (453)

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