There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
