Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.

(641): View more from Iowa

Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?

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(360): View more from Washington

afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

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(740): View more from Ohio

well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.

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These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Read it at the TFLN blog
(252): View more from North Carolina

this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

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(703): View more from Virginia

theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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(406): View more from Montana

That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.

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(425): View more from Washington

I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.

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