It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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