well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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