I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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