just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize