she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
