Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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