Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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