I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize