He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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