I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
