when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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