her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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