If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
