Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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