Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
