My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who wears a wallet chain?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
