So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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