She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
