Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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