i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
