After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
