I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
