I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
