he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
