This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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