I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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