Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?

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(269): View more from Michigan

You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

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(312): View more from Illinois

Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.

(856): View more from New Jersey

You misuse your internet privileges.

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