I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
