no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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