So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
