Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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