He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
