Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
