U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
