evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize