She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
