I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
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There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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