i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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