I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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