We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
