Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
