if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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