Betty ford says i'm here all night
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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