Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
