dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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