So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
