we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
