You smell like a Billy Joel song
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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