I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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