This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
