OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
