She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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