Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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