They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
