You're my little dorito
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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