I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
